Sunday 27 January 2013

Posi-rant #1: Why Who Framed Roger Rabbit is the Best Film Ever

Some days, I grow weary. Being Right All The Time is a heavy burden for one girl to carry, and some days my ire just fizzles out before I can get to a keyboard and turn it into Rantingness. And so this got me thinking: do rants have to always be negative? Must I spend all my lifeforce in criticism only? Am I doomed to damn others and never be delighted by them?

I say no, and it's my blog, so there.

Therefore, without further ado, welcome to my first ever 'Posi-Rant'™:

SIXTEEN REASONS WHY 'WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT*' IS THE BEST FILM EVER MADE!

(* No, this is not a grammatical error - the film title, though technically a question, contains no question mark as this is considered unlucky in Hollywood...)

1. It has a throroughly awesome setting - film noir era Hollywood mixed with Golden Age animation. Look at the outfits! Look at the characters! Look at Bob Hoskins swilling whiskey at his desk and passing out like a Raymond Chandler reject! Fans of femmes fatales and Philip-Marlowe-style investigators can eat their hearts out, and anyone else (though seriously, who doesn't like film noir? Is it you? What the hell? You are SO missing out...) can revel in seeing their favourite cartoon characters tripping through the age of ACME. Truly there can be no finer era in which to park any set of shenanigans!

2. Let's not forget this film was absolutely groundbreaking at the time - and still looks brilliant even now, nearly twenty five years later. I remember seeing it as a kid and being amazed - it was literally like you were watching some kind of amazing, impossible magic. Animation and live action had been combined before, and really well too (go look at Gene Kelly dancing with Jerry Mouse in 'Anchors Aweigh' from 1944... or with Stewie Griffin from Family Guy if that's more your bag), but this was something else. Combinations of puppetry and motion controlled machines meant they could interact with props in a very organic way, and with some great character design, painstakingly careful animation and a brilliant standard of acting from the humans of the cast, this film looked - and still looks - not flawless, but deeply believable and engaging.

3. Okay, okay, we might as well get it out of the way:

Yes - it's Jessica Rabbit. The woman none of us will ever live up to.

Now, if you were shallow of soul and mean of spirit, you might be tempted to hate Jessica Rabbit. You might be jealous of her frankly terrifying proportions and her sultry singing voice, or you might despise her as a fantasy construct whose overtly sexual nature and clear objectification are Not Good For Feminism.

But look a little further. Jessica Rabbit has depth. She married her husband not for looks or money or, like, being the same species as her, but because he makes her laugh. She knows what's truly important in a partner. She's no fool either - she's aware of the plot before Valiant is, and takes her own steps to protect Roger and help solve the case. She earns her own money and she looks damn good doing it. So good, in fact, that the information superhighway is littered with her image redone in fan art and fancy dress forms. Some woman even spent several thousand dollars in plastic surgery to look like her. See?

So that was money well spent.

Don't hate on Jess R. Remember, as she so memorably put it - she's not bad, she's just drawn that way.

4. And while we're on the subject of Jessica Rabbit, let us not forget Kathleen Turner, who is awesome and provided Mrs Rabbit's huskily-timbred voice uncredited.

5. But Mrs Rabbit was not my favourite of the film's 'Toons' as a child. Nor indeed was her titular husband, who was sympathetic but even to a kid, kind of annoying. No - in my heart it was a toss-up between two others, and though he didn't come first, Baby Herman was definitely my second favourite. Why? Um, duh - he is a baby with the gravelly voice of a chain-smoking gangster. The animation producer loved Baby Herman so much he insisted on animating all his scenes himself. Baby H chomps cigars and bets on horses. He throws tantrums, not because he's a baby, but because he's a goddamn bona fide star. Look at his acting performance in the first few minutes - he has the strength and grace of a prima ballerina as he does his little death trip round that kitchen. No wonder he gets frustrated with Roger's mistakes - Baby Herman is a consummate professional. Who sometimes looks up ladies' skirts.

6. And who, you might ask, could supplant the awesome Baby Herman from the number one spot in my heart? Why, it's this guy:
That's right - Benny the Cab. His thick Brooklyn accent and penchant for slapstick are obviously two things he has in common with Baby Herman, but he's so much more than that. Under his rough edges, Benny's a thoroughly decent rogue of a chap and a handy accomplice who plays a major part in saving Roger and Eddie on more than one occasion. He's wily enough to play crashed (that's playing dead for cars, see) when the others are in danger so he can follow them safely, fast enough to get them away from the Weasel gang and loyal enough to come back when his help is needed.

Want to know what clinches it? When he enters the warehouse at the end, stepping daintily on tip-toe tyres over the poison pools on the floor, he is obviously shocked by the carnage - his non-sweary exclamation is one of my favourite lines in the whole movie.


7. And is this simply a light-hearted children's film? No indeed - it manages to include a critique of evil industry by basing itself around true events: the corrupt political and business interests who conspired to undermine the LA public transport system in the 40s and profiteer from the new freeway and its associated infrastructure like gas stations and garages. That's a history lesson and some social commentary as well as all the entertainment you can eat. You won't find a gritty Chinatown-style corruption underpinning the plot of friggin' Space Jam.

8. You may not notice initially, but you're seeing something unique when you watch Who Framed Roger Rabbit - a coming-together of characters 'owned' by no less than seven different studios. With rights to likenesses so closely guarded, this just does not usually happen... but this time, it did. Main rivals Disney and Warner had some wrangles - their mainstays (respectively Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck, and Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck) had to share equal screentime together, for example - and rights to some of the characters wanted for the film (such as Tom and Jerry or Popeye) couldn't be obtained in time. Nevertheless, it really is essentially a great cross-section - and celebration - of known and loved animated characters, all together for the first time on screen. A stupendous homage to the Golden Age of animation.

9. And since Who Framed Roger Rabbit involves the very greatest Greats of animation, let us not forget the behind-the-scenes Greats who actually voiced them for the picture. All the big names are there, including ones you might actually have heard of: Mel Blanc, Lou Hirsch, Nancy 'Voice of Bart Simpson' Cartwright. My favourite, though, is April Winchell (and not just because she does the cuter half of the voice of Baby Herman). That's her in the picture. Just look at her... isn't she awesome? If the picture doesn't convince you, go to her absolutely genius site Regretsy and then try to tell me you wouldn't like to go for a night of ruinous drinking with that woman.

10. Like all great movies for kids (think of The Simpsons, or anything by Pixar), it has something for the adults too. Different levels of humour abound, from the international, intergenerational appeal of Someone Falling Down (in the biz they call it slapstick), to more risqué moments like Jessica Rabbit's 'booby trap' or Eddie Valiant's failure to find a rhyme for 'luck' in his song-and-dance routine - which reminds me...

11. Eddie Valiant's song-and-dance routine is fabulous. He can fairly move for a fat alcoholic - looks like his childhood in the circus definitely paid off.

12. Also awesome? Various expressions on his face throughout, such as this:
The best one, however, is one of which I sadly couldn't find a screen cap. Just take a look at his reaction when he first drives into Toon Town and they all start singing about smiling or whatever. It's brilliant.

13. And from the sublime to the ridiculous to the genuinely terrifying. Do you remember the scene... where the shoe got DIPPED?

I can honestly say it was one of the most horrifying things I had ever seen in a kids' film, and it's still hard to watch. A quick googleskim reveals numerous internet forums recounting tales of childhood trauma related to that scene. I mean, shit - even Bambi's mother gets shot off screen. This was right in your face! Squeaking like a helpless puppy, writhing in Judge Doom's unyielding glove, that blameless, unfortunate little shoe got DISSOLVED RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE. It is a scene of torture the likes of which the Saw franchise can only dream. It is a level of horror to which John Carpenter and Dario Argento have never come close. It is gruesomely harrowing - and right there in the middle of a film for seven year olds! That, in my opinion, RULES.

14. And surely the villain who unflinchingly perpetrates this act of violence must be one of the premier villains in all cinematic history. Corrupt figure of authority? Check. Murderous and mental? Check. Agenda of evil masquerading as justice? Check. Gang of thugs? Almost indestructible? CHAINSAW ARM HE WILL USE TO TRY AND KILL YOU??!! Yes, all of these. He combines two of the ultimate antagonists of the silver screen: the absolute batshit-red-eyed-screaming-psychopath and the chillingly clinical Nazi doctor. If that doesn't scare the shit out of you, you may need to visit a proctologist.

15. But don't be too scraed by old Doom - he does meet his end eventually, and you know a film is good when the demise of the villain contains a Wizard of Oz 'I'm meellllllllting!' tribute.

16. The DUCK-OFF. Otherwise known as this scene:

I mean, quite apart from the fact that they're ducks playing Liszt live in a nightspot, you'd go to that club anyway just to see how many pianos they got through each night.
I would also like it noted that Daffy is clearly the superior pianist and Donald is a jealous bitch who literally plays the piano with his arse. #totallynotbiasedagainstdisney

One more thing: guess what? It's been in the works for aaaaaaaaages with varying degrees of likelihood in the intervening years... but there's a sequel in the works. Excited? I might be...

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